Is There Something Missing in my Relationship?
Author: Daysha Phimphone
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Many people argue that there’s not enough romance in their relationships. There is a lack of intimacy in many relationships, and this can bring many relationships to an end. Is your partner being dramatic or are they on to something big? Is physical touch important in relationships? Can the deprivation of touch sour a relationship? Hmmmm…
Touch is actually CRITICAL in ALL relationships, and it is something that we all come into the world craving. There is a biological instinct to seek comfort through the power of touch. EKG’s have shown how a simple touch from a loved one prompts the release of a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone enhances bonding in relationships. The release of oxytocin is at the center of that warm, fuzzy feeling we have when we get a hug from our partner or a rub on the arm from a crush. Oxytocin also helps us to feel safe in relationships. I’ve heard some people say “I don’t like to be touched”. The REAL truth is that we all have a biological desire to seek and embrace physical touch. Trauma can often cause people to feel repulsed by touch from others. Also, the lack of loving touch during the early formative years can contribute to adverse feelings centered around touch. We all developed in a womb and this womb acted as a warm covering. We’re born searching for that closeness and warmth that best resembled the warmth of the womb.
Touch is something we absolutely need to feel safe and secure in our relationships. In order to strengthen your relationship as a couple, you must hug. You must hold hands. You must sit close to each other and lie next to each other: body to body. Not only are you enhancing your bond but you’re also communicating on a cellular level. In other words, your body is speaking for you as your cells send vibrations of deep care, concern, empathy, and love. Now go forth and give your partner the love and touch required to keep the relationship flames going!
Psychotherapist, Daysha Phimphone, LPC, CCATP, CATP